Ghost Stories

This is an ill advised theme,  it should really stretch me out.  As I grab thoughts and sort through my mind...

I remembered this one time, I got spooked really badly.  I looked over and a child's face was pressed against our bedroom window.  It's an urban apartment, not that unusual to have peeps outside your window.  But we lived on the second floor.  I rushed to the window, and there was no ladder, no boxes. no kids scampering away on top of each other giggling.  It was silent outside.

okay weird


I don't believe in ghosts.  I believe in logic and science and sensible explanations.  Even when I have experiences to the contrary.  I believe in sense.


We went to a charismatic church for a sing along.  It was one of those earnest churches where people try to convert you and check out if you are saved.  Very obnoxious bunch those Cursillo  peeps. Pushy and intolerant for all their glad-handing and back slapping.

But they have joy and they practice healing and the laying on of hands. and well we were spies from another church, always up for a new experience.  Adventuresome.

I lose myself easily in music.  The choir was kicking it that Wednesday night.  They were warmed up and going to town on some gospel song, not in the Episcopalian hymnal. 

I was kneeling as I recall, and looked up to the altar, when I noticed a pinkish filmy cloud appear as the song went into its climax.   I tried to nudge Danny to see if he could see it to.  It was an angelic happy plasma of swirling joy but it was visible as least to me.  I was delighted and watched it swirl around and change direction before vanishing.  It had streaks of gold in it and pink and a color like baby blue and beiges, and whites.  The closest thing I know in real life is the surface of a soap bubble caught in sunlight.

I mentioned it later to the crowd, rather timidly.   That spirit filled bunch: some  looked at me with disbelief, some with speculation and one said.  I think I saw it too.

==============================================================

Danny and I used to have dreams that meshed together, when we were younger.  I had forgotten this one. ...

I woke up with a vision of an Angel hovering over our headboard.  White feathered wings, the whole nine yards.  I wake up Danny and I whisper, there's an Angel above us.  He opens one eye, looks and says. I see it too.

Then we both fall back to sleep like nothing weird had just happened.  Just another night with an angel hovering round.


smiles

ghost story

i dont believe in ghosts
i dont believe in anything really

but my ma used to talk about the old house she and my dad rented when they first were married.. out on route 68.. all alone in the middle of a corn field along the side of the road.. about a mile north of town.  i know the house.  its normal enough looking.

the toilet would flush by itself.
the tv would turn on and off..
she would hear footsteps upstairs when she was alone in the house..

so the story goes..
there was an old man who lived in the house with his paraplegic son.
the old man went nuts one day and took a baseball bat to his son.. the son threw his bloody hands against the wall in the upstairs bedroom as he was being bludgeoned to death. 

so the handprints couldnt be washed off..
and they bled through paint..
so the bedroom was wallpapered.

......................................................................................................................................................................

a few years after i graduated and moved out..  i heard that a young girl committed suicide. 
she lived in that house.

.....................................................................................................................................................................

my ma was pretty sensitive to stuff.  she had an uncanny sixth sense.  saved our lives once..
(i know this isnt ghost related.. but it spooks the hell out of me)

ma used to pile us all up in the van and take us to have lunch at Indian Lake with my dad when we were kids.  there were many stops along the way.  we came out at a stop sign which led out onto a main road.  but ma just sat there.  sat and sat for no reason.  then she slowly pulled out onto the road..  up about a mile the traffic had come to a standstill.. people were out of their cars.. asking others for blankets, water, towels, first aid stuff..

there was a 3 car pile up
3 people killed, one was an infant.. several people wounded.

if ma had pulled out from that stop sign any sooner.. we woulda been in that pile up. 

she didnt know why she sat there.  but we are all lucky she did.

a day to remember...

a bittersweet moment, as i am pulled aside
a mother at the height of intensity.. feeling her child has been woefully wronged
i breathe deep and wait patiently
i hear her
i nod
i affirm that her daughter has formidable talent
i tell her how proud i am of her daughter
...and i promise to call her tomorrow to discuss the judges' feedback.

******************************************************************************

nerves were high.. you could feel the electricity in the air.  the energy buzzed louder than the excited voices and nervous whispers in the hallways. 

this is energy i often get drunk on..  but it took a toll on me yesterday.

my students were singing.  being judged.  and i felt their anguish and fear and excitement and all the things that go along with sharing something so incredibly intimate as their instrument.. their voice.. themselves.  multiply that feeling times six.  compound it with the fact that i had absolutely no control over any aspect of their performances.. or the outcome.  i felt so heavy. 

but how i felt didnt matter.  i had to put that all aside and focus on the students who were singing for me today.  the junior and senior collegiate singers who were presenting their voices and their hard work to me, anxious for feedback.. anxious for validation. 

tick tick tick.. in between judging students i look at my watch.. hm G is done singing now, i wonder how she did..  tick tick tick..  hm A is headed in now, sending good thoughts.. tick tick tick.. 

my girls.  six bright-eyed, fresh-faced, angelic voiced singers with their whole futures ahead of them.  MY girls.

think i was proud?  i knew we had a chance this year.   

*****************************************************************************
FINALLY!  FINALLY after six long years of hard work.. 

not one, but two of my students placed.
G placed twice.. second place in her two categories
A placed third in one of her categories
when G started to sing her second song for the audience.. i winked at her, and without missing a beat, that kid winked right back.  A gave the most flawless performance.. i found myself thinking.. this is my student?  OF COURSE she's my student!!  wow.
when they both were done performing their pieces.. back to back.. there wasnt a dry eye left in the concert hall.  you could hear the silence, feel the energy of the room shift.  here were two girls, ages 14 and 15, singing with the most pure, free, sweet production of sound.  their proud teacher astounded at their poise.  they were the youngest winners, but sang better than most of their older counterparts.  and i was not the only one who took notice.

teachers patted me on the back.  mothers cried.  fathers beamed.  one mom says.. 'you are gonna be SO booked!'

****************************************************************************
a phone call is made.  an unnecessary apology given.  calm settles in and a plan to move forward is set.  everyone is smiling.

****************************************************************************
all my students won that day.  the comments were great.  those judges must have had such a hard time choosing award winners..

i won that day.
i walked out of that concert hall.. ten feet tall.

Never Mind Me.

"used to tell someone not to worry about something because it is not important:"

Anything I ever utter falls under that category.


Nvm 

I just wish I could listen better and be heard clearer.  I struggle too much for sense and meaning, and I ramble on searching for some sort of understanding of myself. and of others.




I can't listen to my son, he drives me nuts. Absolutely bonkers when he attempts to make a connection with me.  I can't bear to hear about his fights and odd teen things that he brings to me.  I did better when it was snakes and dead mice in his hands. 


We are in strange territory, now. I don't have any experience with this. 


to be continued, but never mind.

==================================================================

 xlll Rosie lllx: my son just ran back and forth between my game and my husbands game

JCMcLovin: lol

xlll Rosie lllx: shouting..

xlll Rosie lllx: he's gonna hit the red ball

JCMcLovin: lol

xlll Rosie lllx: then peers over my shoulder.

xlll Rosie lllx: then i get flustered.

JCMcLovin: lol

xlll Rosie lllx: and shoot in his balls.

JCMcLovin: lol

xlll Rosie lllx: the chaos is ridiculous here.

xlll Rosie lllx: and mother in law called.

JCMcLovin: :/

xlll Rosie lllx: haha.

JCMcLovin: lol

xlll Rosie lllx: but it's good chaos.

JCMcLovin: good

xlll Rosie lllx: if your heart can take it.

xlll Rosie lllx: The kid isn't growing up anytime soon.

xlll Rosie lllx: lol

JCMcLovin: lol

Logged in at 9:05 PM

xlll Rosie lllx: I'ts like he's ten.

JCMcLovin: mm

xlll Rosie lllx: or actually 8

JCMcLovin: lol

xlll Rosie lllx: like a little kid.

JCMcLovin: ah

xlll Rosie lllx: only little kids don't act like this.

xlll Rosie lllx: His life is like one long tea party.

xlll Rosie lllx: I wish I could explain it.

xlll Rosie lllx: i want to say nvm so badly.

JCMcLovin: hm.

JCMcLovin: dont

xlll Rosie lllx: cause I can't explain him to people.

JCMcLovin: i can imagine it would be difficult.

xlll Rosie lllx: He's so funny

xlll Rosie lllx: and quirky.

xlll Rosie lllx: and unpredictable.

xlll Rosie lllx: and very predictable.