Weary

Weary is  my default setting.  Bone dragging worn out and fighting against defeat.  Screw that!

I'm not weary today.   For a change.. I am Grreeeaaat!

Oh I had to sleep twice.  Holy cow, I was tired.  I call it enforced sleeping. I have no choice, I keel over from fatigue.  But I wasn't tired in my soul or in my mind.  My body was worn out from the sun and shine and activity, but my mind was energized and my soul filled with joy.

Oh they say, money can't buy you happiness, but if you've ever owned an old car and get an newer one, and paid cash for it, it's pretty sweet.  Our old car was weary. It surely was.

This volvo wagon is such a treat to take down to the ocean.  New tires that grip the road.  Tranny that shifts smooth, that car goes like a hot knife through butter.  Brakes that are stern and stop without pitching you forward.  We have the comfort package, the kiddie package, the fancy loaded, cost 35K new version.

Two sets of air-conditioning controls. One for me. one for him.   Nice.  A moon roof,  too bad the sun was so strong today.  heated seats, don't need them right now.  The car is like  expensive theater seating.  I could imagine the orchestra tuning up.

A Kick ass music system. No crabby kid in the car.  We pop in a CD and sing our hearts out.  Beatles. Janis Joplin.  Just sing and bounce and pound the sides and dash once in a while.

It is peak tourist season at the beach.  Quebec is here.  Lobster Red Canadians clogging up our parking but that's okay.  we are locals. we know a park near Lighthouse point. we head down there, bypassing the crowds.  Prettiest park I know, Free parking, walking distance to a great old fashioned shop tucked under the bridge. where they make the sandwiches down home style.

We are right where the boats pass out to the sea, just down from the drawbridge.  There are nice little family crafts that cost more than we make in two years, bobbing up and down in the swells.. Then there are the big mofo's  the monster yachts, the ones with black radar on the roof, the three story boats that take up 5-10 boat lengths and have horns that sound so deep and threatening, like pre historic growls.  They queue up to go through the drawbridge, and it's a sight to see when it pulls up. 

Sea breezes, multi colored fishies under our feet, Green parrots in the trees and the palm trees waving and swaying in the persistent breeze.

No way to be weary with that outing.

when im weary.. i run

i have been physically weary
its draining and intense.. often feeling so tired i couldnt sleep

working in a factory can do that to a person
the monotony of the same action  over and over and over..
grueling
taxing
tedious
..done that



emotional weariness
is a whole other game

have you ever been so weary of feeling that you try and counteract it by wearing yourself out physically? 

i love to run
it frees the mind
its a monotony that is welcome to one who's mind never stops spinning
when i am emotionally taxed
i run

i have been running a lot in the last few months
so emotionally wracked that the running did nothing.. 
nothing but alleviate the antsy feeling.. temporarily.
i found myself at the gym a lot
the antsy feeling kept coming back

then i started writing.  really writing.  and some of the jitteryness dissipated.
its not gone

right now im emotionally spent and i will sleep
i will sleep feeling a little bit lighter.. less burdened under a nearly unmentionable weight..
because my friends carry me. 
my friends.
who are also weary.
carry me.. as i carry them.

{[ Weary ]}

-passes out-

JC's playlist

Reese's Playlist

stormie

give
take
share

insatiable

innocence
                infatuation
                                 attraction
                                                passion
                                                            HAPPINESS

breaking     point
looming
ignore it
ignore it
no longer
questions
answers

tears
       love
             faithfulness
                               honesty
                                           trust
more questions
more answers

not enough

pleading
              truth
                     gutted
                               misunderstanding
                                                           rift
broken
ignore it
ignore it
questions linger
silence

three months
bliss
solidarity
promises
three weeks....................................vanished

hope

irreparable
                 hanging
                             torment
                                         shame
                                                   lost                

shattered

Rosie's Playlist