Tolerance...I can relate to that.

Tolerance…I can relate to that.

For instance:

I take my daughter BJ to the VFW every Wednesday night to play bingo. The people that work the bingo are all volunteers. Most of them are well in their 80’s…except this one chic…her name is Mary. Mary doesn’t deserve that name as she is very much NOT worthy of it.

My BJ has a bingo guy named Chuck. They sit next to each other and make googly eyes at each other. BJ doesn’t have a whole lot of friends as she has a disability. She does have a lot of family that adores and loves her. Mary loves getting under BJ’s skin and would play up to Chuck in hopes of getting BJ jealous. Well, it works every time.

Two Wednesdays ago was Ash Wednesday. Now we all know that I am a catholic girl. BJ and I went to church and received ashes on our forehead in the shape of a cross. As a rule, you are not suppose to wipe it off…it is to rub off on its own. After mass, we went to bingo. Mary is a volunteer there and she took ashes from a cigarette and put them on her forehead. My brother told her that it is not right to do that. She ignored him.

Last week Mary pointed her finger at BJ and in ears distance, she told my BJ that she stunk. (BJ does put perfume on heavy at times). BJ’s feelings were quite hurt. I did not know this until we arrived home. The perfume BJ was wearing was a gift from a lady friend that we play bingo with for Christmas. BJ told Tootie that she smelled good one night and Tootie bought BJ that same perfume.

Mary is such a disrespectful person!!! She is looking at jail time for wrong doings!!! Awwwe!

I have overlooked so much of what she has done. The reason I don’t say anything is because the VFW needs people to work the bingo and can’t afford to have her quit. I can’t replace her because of my health issues BUT one of these days I am not going to tolerate her anymore!!! There…I feel better already.

who knew

Jake draws a blank while writing and asks Sara if she wouldnt mind taking a hike through the woods to get the brain ticking.  they hunt for big gnarly walking sticks.. so easy to find in the big woods.. and decide to head west.  they take in the peaceful quiet of the woods.  leaves crunching underfoot.  they come out at a finger of the lake and find a big rock to sit and rest.  maybe ten minutes pass when their quiet solitude is interrupted by a loud rustling and a snort.. 

not twenty feet behind Sara stood a huge black bear.
in a split second.. Jake grabs Sara throws her to the ground and lays ontop of her.

don't move. he whispers
she doesnt say a word.

they could hear the bear sniffing around.. getting closer.

um.. i have to do something.. forgive me. he whispers
BWAP..P..P
damn Jake.. did you rip your shorts? Sara quietly giggles.

they could hear the bear moving away.  quickly retreating.

apparently, bears arent fond of farts.

They were five strong

They were five strong huddled on the pier, asking Fly about his flight down.  "So, if you don't have your pilot's license, then who flew the plane?"  Amy asked overcome with curiosity.  Sloshing out of the water and trailing a long rope was the most amazing robust woman, climbing onto the pier.  "This is my sister, Gwendolyn."  Fly hurried to help her secure the plane and hoist out their bags.

"The Gwitch'in people grow some beautiful...  " JC started to say, but his voice trailed off as he stepped aside to let her pass.  Silky black long hair and long, long legs,  Fly's sister looked like he did, a strong family resemblance.  "Nice to meet you all." she said in a honey voice that sounded like the first melting snow from the tundra. 

 "I brought a sitting para-sail and a bungee jumper for the seaplane. "  Fly remarked as he drug out a few duffel bags from the back. " I also have some interesting chemicals for the 4th of July that you can't find legally for sale in the lower 48 states."   Gwennie frowned at Fly momentarily, but knew it wasn't any use to protest.  She'd said all that she had to say about that when they had packed.

Jc found Amy's hand and walked her over to the chaise lounge where they had been sitting closely together before they jumped up to greet Fly.

BJ was tugging at Gwennie's backpack offering to show her the rooms set aside for Fly.

Rosie and Reese hurried over to the warmth of the firepit, where Rosie was brewing a large cauldron of a generous amount of hot chocolate, sugar free.  She slipped out an envelop from her satchel and tapped in about 20 grams of a white/variegated brown dust and flakes into the pot and stirred it briskly.

"I'm making Traum Tourismus".  she announced to the crowd.   "It is a mild hallucinogen that brings visions and spiritual awakenings especially among gatherings of close friends", she intoned as if in church delivering a sermon.   "it should take about 20 minutes to kick in"  She took a ladle and stirring though the bottom of the brew started to portion the liquid out.

"Who wants a cup?"    JC raised his hand.  Fly said, "I"m down with that. Is it Psilocybe cubensis? 

"No," Rosie smiled.,  "It is Gymn------Gymnopilus luteoviridis , from Vermont." She stumbled over the botanical name.
 

Reese had already helped herself and was sniffing at her cup and starting to sip the chocolate.   BJ came forward with an eager smile and held out her hand expectantly.   Rosie had already discussed it with Reese and handed BJ a smaller portion.


Rosie continued.  "And more importantly,  Who will stay lucid and keep watch with me tonight.  I will be a Watcher. I need one more volunteer.

  " I will," said Gwennie.  " I prefer to keep my feet on the ground tonight."


Amy?  Rosie turned to her.   Amy was thinking about it.

"OH what the heck," Amy looked at JC,  who had downed his cup almost scalding his tongue. she came over and helped herself to a deep mug of the brew and sipped at it with her nose wrinkling up.


"Two rules for tonight.   No one leaves this circle alone during their trip.   And no one tries to go swimming in the lake.  Are we agreed?  "

Rosie pulled the pot off the firepit, set the ladle down and went over to the stereo and put on a CD she had set aside earlier from her satchel.

Plaintive Celtic Melodies filled the night sky and joined the whistling of the wind through the pine as the circle of friend gently talked and waited together in the night air.

They were Seven strong.

tolerance shmolerance grrr

fuck tolerance.  tolerance is a bitch i dont want to dance with anymore.  i have tolerated way too much in my life.  who hasnt?

i tolerated that fat bastard gym teacher who belittled my sister in front of an entire class of our peers.

i tolerated my conniving jerk brother stealing from my parents for years.  put up with his sorry excuses time after time.

i tolerated a girlfriend.. who would tell me she would be here for me and then never show.. who would say she would do things and never do them.. who said she loved me but never showed me.. told me one thing and did another.. made promises she never kept..
sad thing is, i would probably still tolerate it.

i tolerated being belittled in a public forum.. by someone i should never have even considered tangling with..

i tolerate late payments and tardiness..


and why..  that is the real question.  why did i tolerate any of that..... why do i day after day, continue to tolerate..  bad behavior.  i dont accept it.. but i tolerate it.  WHY?

do i think i am not worth being treated right?
do i think i will be liked less?
do i think im doing them a favor?
am i afraid?

im struggling with why.  i need the answer.  i didnt realize that until just now.
and here i sit.. yet again.. ready to reaffirm what i already know.  i am worthy.  i am a good person.  i deserve better in my life.  i do not need to tolerate bad behavior in others.  and yet.. i still do.  what the hell is wrong with me? 

Tolerance...

The practice of permitting a thing of which one disapproves... an open permissiveness towards different beliefs. 

 My husband and I butt heads in only one thing; parenting our difficult child.  Everything else in our married lives is congruent or negotiable.  He is easy going about somethings.  I am easy going about others, but we just don't agree on setting limits for our son.  He wants our son to be happy.  I want him to be independent and disciplined.

 We agree about how to spend our leisure time, how to handle the money mostly, how often to have sex,  what to eat on Sunday, who to vote for, whether to recycle, vacations, everything else.

When our kid was little, it was always. 'Okay you can have one more.  Don't tell mom.'  Our son quickly learned to triangulate us and played one against the other for years.  I'm so thoroughly sick of it.  The therapists have pointed out the necessity of consequences, the importance of limit setting. They shake their heads at us and patiently discuss our different philosophies.

We were once required to write out a list of our son's expectations or responsibilities.  Dan's had a list with the words,  Have a good time, and Be happy.  Mine was, keep your clothes up from floor and do homework and empty the dishwasher.

Not only were we not on the same page, we weren't in the same universe. 

The last family therapist quit in disgust.  This one is patient and long suffering, but has said privately that I have two teenagers on my hands.  This caused me to lose a little respect for my husband for a short time.  But I tolerate it.

And tolerate it.


And tolerate it.


And tolerate it.

There is no end in sight and a shiny newer green bike in our son's careless hands.