WORRY...

WORRY…

I worry every day!

I worry about death!

I worry that my little BJ will be left without her mother- although she keeps saying that she wants to go to heaven before me. (we both want an Emil’s pizza made by Emil himself)

I worry that my family will be sad without me.

I worry that Reese and Jerry will have a short lived life without me.

I worry about my hubby retiring and me being a high risk for insurance.

I worry about my grandbabies out in the world ready to be on their own.

I worry about getting lost and not finding my way.

I worry that my teeth will fall out.

I worry about losing people. Never being able to speak or chat with them again.

{I get worried when someone is late!

My friends worry about me when I am not on OMG and this I am sorry for.

This happened today. They were not worried when they seen Reese pop up.}

I could go on and on and on with my worries. What does it do for me? Add another white hair? Make my BP rise higher? Make me lose sleep? Give me ulcers?

Is there a “worry not” pill? Would I take it?

Yet another worry…..worry if the “worry not” pill could cause liver, kidney or other organ damage.

Nah!...I would not take it…It’s in my nature to worry!!!

{[ Worry WORRY Worry ]}

I worry all the time about things.I worry when my son comes home and tell me that his old "father" figure is at his school trying to talk to him. I worry that he is going to scoop him up and walk out of the doors with him with no one watching. Considering the school that Cameron is going to is not my pick. The teachers are cruel and absolutely stupid. But I'll leave that story for a different day. Maybe tomorrow.

I worry that his real father is watching behind bushes and trees in my neighborhood laughing at me while I sit in a vehicle in my driveway crying ..just crying. Trying to get up the nerve to turn the key to start the car. I worry that him and his brothers are peaking though my window watching me sleep. Wanting to push up my window and come in and ..hurt me again. And again..like in my dreams.

I worry that I wont make it to tomorrow.

I worry about Cameron telling me that kids are making fun of him because his mommie is big.

I used to know how that felt. My mom is big and kids use to tease me about it. I worry that I'll never loose weight. I worry that I'll be like this forever.

I worry that my father is getting sicker everyday. I worry if anyone in my family really gives a damn about me other then my son. I worry if when I don't do something right .. if I will get hit. I worry that there is someone always standing behind me watching what I am doing and if I am doing it the way they like. Cause I know that if things aren't done right that punishment is due. So I get ready to curl up in a ball and hold my ears till its all over. ..over..and over again. I worry about that car I still haven't toook the time to get in and try to at least drive. I worry..and I worry some more about someone that is so dear to me. Someone I wouldn't give up if it was the end of the world. I'd probably just fall into a river and drown if that ever happened. I wouldn't know how to breath. I'd gasp for air and finally probably just let go. ..so yea I worry.

ugh worry

worry is exhausting.

i worry

i worry about everyone else in my life
and then.. if im not too damn exhausted.. i worry about me

i worry about my family over 600 miles away.
i worry about their health and well-being and happiness.
i worry that my dad is suffering under too much depression. 
will he continue to take his medications as prescribed? 
will he get out of his chair today?
i worry about my business.
will i always sustain this many students?  it fluctuates so much.
what if the economy gets worse?  can i sustain a hit like before?
i worry about bax.  he is getting older. and he has had bouts of pancreatitis. 
i worry about whether i am a good friend
do i lean too hard?
do i ask too much?
am i fair?
am i honest?
am i present enough?
do i give enough?
i worry that i hurt others.  sometimes unbeknownst to myself.  sometimes out of pain. sometimes out of just not wanting to recognize the ugliness within me. 

i worry that i am weak
that i will fall backward again
and what will happen if i already have?

worry is useless
USELESS
worry is a trap
and an EXCUSE
a FALLBACK .. an EASY OUT.. just in case i dont do my best.

but dammit.. i do my very best every day
i try so hard to be a good person
and i fail so hard sometimes.. but i always do my best
i have no control over what happens around me
worry.. is just another manifestation of fear.
and it rears it's ugly head all too often
when i see it i want to just beat it down.. kill it.. squash it.

IT IS A CONSTANT REMINDER THAT WE ULTIMATELY HAVE NO CONTROL

none.

Heavy thoughts bring on physical maladies; when the soul is oppressed so is the body. ~Martin Luther.

 I have  to  learn to turn aside worry; I greet it as a familiar friend.  I should slam the door on it, every single time.  But I let it in and I feed it. 

Yep, I worry myself sick.  No denying that I was taking moral inventory today and worrying needlessly, yet again.  

I worry I've offended someone with a meant to be funny comment. Or an honest one, delivered from my heart.   Will you still be my friend if I am honest with you?

I worry my husband will get killed in a car wreck like my father did.  If he's coming home late.. I have been known to pace and wring my hands.  This is one I have beaten down and subdued

I worry my son will take his life like he tried before.   This one I have to work hard on not to even let it out into reality.  Sometimes I have to ask him.  "Are you safe?  Have you made a plan? " And I have to accept his answers as truthful...

Our house is in foreclosure.  I don't give a pig's ears worth of worry to that.    When you have a son who is depressed and really at risk, it sets the bar high for what it takes to worry.

I worry that this crappy writing will be taken as my best effort!  hahaha

complicated

a melancholy shade of grey
a shadow of the man

cannot go to
cannot go fro

look to the side
another
hurting

temporary laughs
temporary tears
temporary anger
lasting fears

echoes
far
echoes
near
loves presence
here

wistful distance
better off alone

Welcome New Writer Sharon!

Hailing from the Pacific Time zone,  ( I think) is a brave former foster parent and middle school teacher.

Watching her blood sugar, so she doesn't faint, she is equipped with her writing paraphernalia..  her PJ'S and slippers!

With a wicked sense of humor and a versatile vocabulary, Sharon will make an excellent addition to the rag-tag band of merry pranksters.

Confetti!



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~WOOOOO a hearty welcome SHARON!! 
~ JC  :D

sorry rosie, i had to invade ;)
***********************************

Heeyy Heyy you dont get to invade unless
I can!! 

YAAAYYY Sharroonn!!! Woot Woot!!
Can't wait to read ya girl. :D

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