Tom Lehrer, Bo Burnham, Flanders Swann

from the pool party.

Flow

It's much easier to go with the flow.

It's much easier to be yourself.

Becoming someone new is tough.

a few comments on comments ;)

btw.. i noticed that from the Overview page, off to the right hand side, there is an option to see ALL the published comments!! just for those of you who are anything like me.. and like to read everything!  :D

i still really like personally giving feedback on IM.  takes me a while to get comfy though, so bear with me, i might eventually vc my thoughts.. :)  however, atm.. i really like posting a comment for the writer.. gives me a chance to think about what i want to say.. it stays with the correlating piece... and best of all, we get to keep and read the comments forever ;)

{[ DO NOT CROSS! ]}

        ( I made me self, yay me )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xETIwPIrSS4


 Ahh boundary..
            Well..I def. stepped over a major one cause if not I wouldn't had deleted all of my friends and be sitting here trying to make myself and everything better again.
             I should had not had done what I had done. And now I am learning from it the hard way. But at least I will learn a leason from it and not do it again. In actuality there are different ways to look at that great big white line that says DO NOT CROSS. Me..I'm one of those that likes to stick my foot on the other side and laugh and say "HA HA I did it what you gonna do now?" I'm a risk taker. I'm willing to try anything at any moment. You ask me to jump in that cold ass water nakie..well uh sure why not? Might be fun. Might freeze me to death but at least I had fun trying it.
            I'm still a risk taker but now instead of just jumping at that very moment..I'm going to barely touch it. See if it feels right first before I ...fall off on the other side.

{[ Day Two ]}

Today I wake as a different person from this past week of events. I have no headaches, sickness, or tears. Today I feel a little bit different. Not alot but some. I went outside at 11 pm last night just walking around in the nice spring air. Nothing else better to do. Walked around the edge of the yard, one foot in front of the other like a little kid does playing around. Head down the whole time watching my feet as I did. Constantly reminding myself over and over of something someone told me. About baby steps. Baby steps is what I'm taking. I want to be able to stand and walk proudly back. I want to feel that rush of happiness once I finally make my crawl to a walk.
And so while I was outside..stepping one foot infront of the other not nearly paying attention to were I was going staring at my feet I ran head first into one of the blazers. Cussed and held my head. Pissed off at myself that I wasn't paying attention to were I was going. Now I have a lump on the left side of my head and its sore and it freakin hurts.
But..now that I think of what I just said..just now it makes me think a little more. My damn head hurts but maybe I needed a lump. A lump that I can heal on my own. That my body will heal. Ha funny how the  human body can take so many bangs and scars and still manage to heal in time. I've got plenty of scars to know that they can heal. So damn it..I'm going to do this. And the only way I can do this is alone. Or at least I think so. I still need a friend to talk me through that damn car thing. Hope he will..
Gah I totally got off of what I was talking about a minute ago. I usually do that. I drag off into a million different directions when I start thinkin. And omg its taking me forever to get rid of 570 people on my friends list. I am not going to add people back that I don't talk to.I will only be adding back real friends. Thats what a friends list is for. Actual fkin friends. Haha yea yea. LAVA! See..that just now showed one of my real friends. One that I don't talk to much but at least I keep her in my thoughts. Why keep over 500 people that I don't think about or care for? Its a real waste of space. And damnit I'm uncluttering my life. Like Billy. SC*#W Him. His ass is getting deleted today. I don't want to keep staring at his "I miss you, I love you" crap. Oh and another thing. I just re reading myself noticed that not a single word so far is 'sad'. Wow that kinda amazes me I'm not blogging about sadddd things right now. Yay go me.Haha. Omg I need to get back to the story at hand..
Okk after I bashed my head into the back end of the blazer I needed to sit down. I didn't want to get my feet and sandles wet by walking across the already dewy grass over to the patio table chairs. So I walked around to the drivers side of the blazer and sat. Left the door open for a while as I rubbed my head. Then..I turned almost as if I forgot that my head was hurting. And put my hands on the stearing wheel. I gripped it pretty hard. Closed my eyes and tried to think of someones voice. I sat there I don't know how long trying to hear that voice. And..almost as a whisper I hear a tiny sound. Was a single word almost..it told me to "breathe.."

We are spinning yarns. :)

This is part of my reaction to the tenacity threads.   Artist is http://comingupforair.net/2011/04/epigenetics/

Comment a thon

Until recently we have been chatting our comments after writing in IM and while it works quite nicely ---

Using the comment structure on the blog is an IMPROVEMENT.   Sharon's comments are very appreciated by me, as they are tucked in specific to the post and one can continue the conversations if wished.

I will be going back and adding comments to past posts here and there and anywhere.
If you want to do that too, go ahead

Your email notices may get a bit cloggy at first.  with chuckles, related stories and thank you notes.

Our writing has always been thought provoking.  I love getting feedback and giving it too.

Happy blogging and commenting!


PS!  Sharon, before I forget.  Please make a play list. see side of blog. ---------------->
Make a list,  get the code, make a new post on here.  Switch from compose to html  Paste the code into the box,  voila new play list.  yay!!

hair today, gone tomorrow...

It was Christmas Eve 1992.

After the Christmas Mass, the gathering is at our house.

It is a small group which consisted of our three daughters, one son-in-law, my husband and me. That makes a total of six + baby on the way.

Our oldest daughter and her husband are expecting their first child in about one week. This will be our first grandchild. So exciting! I wanted to be a young grandma and I was. I was just passed the 40 mark!

My daughter and her husband just purchased a video camera...

Camera, action, roll em (lester)! This is neat! Capturing that special moment and sounds. Faces-voices-and years of “baby” growing up. Baptism, birthdays, first steps, first words, endless and priceless!!!

I was always burning votive candles. I loved the wintery scents in a closed up home. Pine and spruce were my favorites. They reminded me so much of the woodsy outdoors.

We ate a small meal and then rushed to the living room to open gifts. The excitement is always there…a little sneak of a name tag while walking past the tree. Hmmm I wonder what’s in that package. It has my name on it. Is it something I had been hinting for?

My hair is lengthy and curled past my shoulders. A candle is burning in a corner on a wood shelf. I hold my hair away from my face as I bend over to blow out the candle. As I swiftly turn my body to be seated again, my daughter bellows out “mom’s hair is on fire”. All attention is now on me! Hands slapping the flames... Dead hair floating in the air… Oh the stenchy smell of burning hair. Everyone is concerned about putting the flames out.

Video camera still in pregnant daughters hand.

Video shots….of the floor…only words…words are heard.

Warning: Do not use aerosol hair spray when bending over to blow out flickery flames or you may go POOF…hair today, gone tomorrow.

withdrawal...

If I can do it, you can do it too!

Oh man!

January 1993 our first g’baby was born. February 24th of 93, my ex sister-in-law Nancy invites me to go with her to a “Hypnotize…Stop Smoking...” session. Since my mother passed away at the age of 48 and did not get much time with her grandchildren, I did not want to follow in her footsteps. I wanted to be a young, energetic and living g’ma. Nancy picked me up and we were on our way to the Stop Smoking session. The drive was about 45 miles away and we both enjoyed our last nerve calming smoke as we neared that last 15 minutes. There was a fee of 30.00 and earlier I had asked my husband to flip the bill. He refused thinking it would be a waste of his money. No way was I going to quit smoking he thought. So, I used my own money. When we arrived, we paid our fees and were told not to sit with the person you came with. For total concentration with the group being hypnotized, you needed to be seated by strangers. Oh yeah…right…as if I am going to let myself go deep with a stranger on each side of me. The hypnotist could have me walking and talking like a chicken and I would not know it. The strangers next to me could pick my pockets. Uh...no! So, to me it was going to be a waste of my money and my time. I sat there, listening, eyes closed, to the hypnotist in his soft whispery voice. I am getting relaxed, but not so relaxed to where I don’t know who or where I am. Finally the session ends…open your eyes very slowly…it was dark in there so everyone is squinting as the lights went from dim to bright. I find Nancy on the other side of the aisle, she buys the cassettes they offered and we walk to the vehicle and head for home. A very long and silent ride home. Neither of us smoked. It was like we were in a trance.

Was this the start of our smoke free life? Yikes, it is scary since cigarettes have been a part of my life for over 25 years. I would get nervous…light up.

The phone would ring…light up. Hop in vehicle…light up. The last thing I did before I went to bed and the first thing I did in the morning was…light up! Lighting up was my life, my world…could I change it?

The first morning…ohhhh I wanted that cigarette. I walked around very nervously, sit, stand, what do I do with my hands. I wanted that first cigarette so bad. I can’t start my day without my habit. I took it second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month… I would visualize a cigarette in my hand and I would tuck it in between my index and middle fingers and say to myself “I am this big and this stick is this small…I can crush it with my fingers”. I have power!!! I am strong!!! I can do it!!!

To try satisfying my addiction I chewed on licorice and pretzels. I guess I chose those two snacks because I could hold them like a cigarette. They were in stick form. Later I read that eating licorice and pretzels were the 2 worst snacks. Licorice does not dissolve and pretzels make your body bloat. I only had 2 days in and my cousin sent me flowers saying “we are very proud of you, take it day by day”. I saved the card but the flowers are long gone. So now I have people putting so much confidence in me. I have to do this, I can’t let them down. My friend told me if I quit for 3 months, she will take me out to eat…my choice and anything on the menu. Oh boy, this is making it harder. I would listen to the cassettes. They would make me relax but I still wanted that smoke. Day by day…I wanted just one more cigarette.

I took up walking. Walking 7 miles and then hop on my bike and ride for 15 miles. To keep my hands busy, I took up woodworking. I bought saws, sanders, routers, dremmels, so many power tools. For birthdays and Christmas I wouldn’t ask for clothes, knick-knacks…I would ask for wood and more tools. I loved going shopping at Menards, Ace & Farm & Fleet. I busied myself so I would not think of having that cigarette. I would shake…I had an addiction…nicotine addiction? They say not! If I would be having a nicotine addiction, I would be waking up about every hour. So, ok…then I should be able to break this habit. This nasty stinky expensive habit…but it’s not getting any easier.

In reality, the first 3 months were hard, but it got harder!!!

I was told that the average person may gain about 10 lbs when they quit smoking. This is one time I am waaay above average.

Nineteen years later, I still have that craving…I want to calm my nerves…I still want that cigarette but I fight it off. I know that if I would take that first puff, that would lead to a full cigarette and that would lead to a pack and I would never put myself through quitting again….it was hard…I would not have the will power a second time…I would be weak…so I am smart enough to not even take that one little puff.

I have my last boughten pack kept in a plastic bag and tucked away in my hope chest…in hopes that I would never open it and smoke again.

I now have 3 beautifully grown g’babies, I love every one of them and I am so glad I have been around to enjoy them. I am their nana/g’ma/grandma.

I have withdrawal when I don’t get to be on OMG with my friends. I figure there are times I am thinking they need their space from me but they tell me I am wrong. We are addicted to each other and when we are away, we have withdrawals!!!

End of story!