Today is a day for social boundaries. My dead son's girlfriend ("She's the one, mom!") is pregnant! Her new guy is really great! So says Facebook and her friends' comments. They've been together two, maybe three, years. Marriage is right around the corner (maybe ...no ring yet.) Her baby could have (should have) been my next grandchild. This is a hard day.
What I want to do is not what I will do. I have learned my lessons and accept them. Today is a hard day. Life goes on. I will be appropriately quiet.
Friday, March 16, 2012
tiny dancer
she didn't remember asking for dance lessons.
just one day, she and momma went and bought a black leotard, pink tights, and some little black slipper shoes.
they stood out behind the old brick building with all the other little girls and moms. looking up at the ivy weaving its way up the fire escape. there was cait with her thumb in her mouth. patty with her wavy black hair tied neatly in a bun at the back of her head. missy with her nose in the air.
the door opened, and a flood of middle-aged women in dance gear gaily chatted their way past the new little dancers.
out peeped a slender, cheery young woman, with long straight brown hair and kind brown doe eyes. she waved her new students into her large, mirror-lined studio. payments accepted, mothers ushered out.
'okay girls, let's begin.'
*****
several months pass and she has learned all the first through fifth and fifth low positions. she has learned pliet, arabesque, pirhouette, grand something or other, and how to make several turns without getting dizzy. best of all, she gets to hear all kinds of different music! she especially liked the duck song, and the songs with funny words.
there is talk of a recital. so exciting!
*****
she overhears teacher talking to momma.
'she has a lot of talent.'
*****
she dances at the back of the stage with all the other new girls. dazed by the bright lights. so frightened. all she remembers is the girl beside her making funny faces the whole time.
*****
after the recital, teacher moves her to a new class. 7 years old. surrounded by hips.. big hips, little hips.. hips everywhere.. this was an adult class! she felt so important, talented.
but..
no more cait.
no more patty.
no more funny faced girl.
no more duck song.
she even missed missy.
bored.
she tells momma, it's not fun anymore. she wants to quit.
momma says to stick with it a little longer, and they will discuss it.
*****
a few months later, momma has to take her shopping for her first.. bra. little brothers weaving in and out of racks of bras.. big bras, little bras.. bras everywhere. how embarrassing.
she notices her dancing is somehow different.
she loses her balance
she trips
momma says 'ok, you can quit.'
*****
the career of a young talented dancer..
thwarted by early onset.. adolescence.
Fences
We installed a 6 foot linked security fence on part of our backyard, half to keep in the baby and dog, half to keep out..
My son was a busy toddler. We lived on a busy street. I kept the front door locked, the dog was on alert and the keys to the fence were on my keychain in my purse, up out of sight. Beyond the fence was the beckoning woods.
Two year old son, steals my keys, toddles out to the fence. Climbs up the links five feet high and sits there holding on with one hand, swaying, trying keys in the padlock with the other hand.
=======================
Two year old son about to turn three, we rent a farmhouse on the river for the weekend birthday party. It is a working farm and has cows and horses and chicken, alpaca, dogs and cats, lazy turkeys and an ostrich or two. We throw a huge party with family and friends and social workers, theme is cowboys and native first peoples. Our son saunters round the farm like he owns it in his full out costume, cowboy boots, hat, vest, sheriff badge and chaps. All the children are told of the electric fence which is kept on to keep the cattle in. It is set to OW, a nasty little sting.
All the children keep away from the electric fence but one. MINE. Wahhhahha! A tear stained son comes wailing in to the bunkhouse. "The fence bit me. " Stay away from it.
The party goes on. Dozens of children up from the city for the day. NO one touches the fence. Children of all ages caper, cut up, run the zip line, trickle down to the river and swim, just climb all over that 200 acres. There is even a small cave. The grown ups are in stations round the farm, some here, some there. All afternoon no one touches the fence.
Few hours later. Son's out by the fence again. Wahhah wah wah! He's scooped up and brought back to mom, fingers looking a bit red. Tears of surprise and indignation on his face.
Okay that's twice you touched the fence.
Don't touch the fence. there's a hundred things to do on this farm. go chase some geese.
Party winds down, sun sets. Goodbyes are said, The people who are staying over night go into the bunkhouse and climb in and out of the loft. It's been a good long day.
Next day.. Early about the time the rooster crows. I peek out at my fresh faced son. One finger in his mouth with concern, then wet from chewing on it. he stretches it out... closer. closer.
Yup. three times in one weekend. My son got zapped by the electric fence.
==============================
Son is maybe five. The wind is blowing hard, the snow is about 2 feet deep. Its night time, the temperature is about 15 F. The lake in back is frozen over sort of.
"No, you can't go out sledding. It's too cold. It's dark. It's your bedtime. After supper is quiet time" Things get quiet. A little too quiet. Five minutes of quiet is a long time.
I call for son. No answer.
I hunt for son, lots of room in our house for play areas. Not in his room, not in his bath like I thought he was, not sitting with Dan. "Where is son?" I dunno.
I go into the play room.. Nothing. Garage is too cold, take a peek out there. Nope
I get a little worried. I call neighbors, Is son over there with you? No. Other neighbor, "don't you know where your son is? " Well no...
I find the walkout door slightly ajar. Snow boots and Snowsuit is missing. sled is missing....
You've got to be kidding me?
I suit up, boots and jeans and parka and dry blanket. My old bones are a bit too old for search and rescue. I trudge out into the night. Past the locked gate. Over the hill past the lake.
Yep. There is my nearly frozen fiesty son, down by the high school, sledding on the forbidden hill, the high one that lands into the parking lot.
By himself. In the dark. and so cold. "How did you get over the fence?"I asked him.
" I climbed it."
I bundle and drag him back to warmth. My husband barely looks up from his reading. "Done with bath so soon? You ready for bed?"
My son was a busy toddler. We lived on a busy street. I kept the front door locked, the dog was on alert and the keys to the fence were on my keychain in my purse, up out of sight. Beyond the fence was the beckoning woods.
Two year old son, steals my keys, toddles out to the fence. Climbs up the links five feet high and sits there holding on with one hand, swaying, trying keys in the padlock with the other hand.
=======================
Two year old son about to turn three, we rent a farmhouse on the river for the weekend birthday party. It is a working farm and has cows and horses and chicken, alpaca, dogs and cats, lazy turkeys and an ostrich or two. We throw a huge party with family and friends and social workers, theme is cowboys and native first peoples. Our son saunters round the farm like he owns it in his full out costume, cowboy boots, hat, vest, sheriff badge and chaps. All the children are told of the electric fence which is kept on to keep the cattle in. It is set to OW, a nasty little sting.
All the children keep away from the electric fence but one. MINE. Wahhhahha! A tear stained son comes wailing in to the bunkhouse. "The fence bit me. " Stay away from it.
The party goes on. Dozens of children up from the city for the day. NO one touches the fence. Children of all ages caper, cut up, run the zip line, trickle down to the river and swim, just climb all over that 200 acres. There is even a small cave. The grown ups are in stations round the farm, some here, some there. All afternoon no one touches the fence.
Few hours later. Son's out by the fence again. Wahhah wah wah! He's scooped up and brought back to mom, fingers looking a bit red. Tears of surprise and indignation on his face.
Okay that's twice you touched the fence.
Don't touch the fence. there's a hundred things to do on this farm. go chase some geese.
Party winds down, sun sets. Goodbyes are said, The people who are staying over night go into the bunkhouse and climb in and out of the loft. It's been a good long day.
Next day.. Early about the time the rooster crows. I peek out at my fresh faced son. One finger in his mouth with concern, then wet from chewing on it. he stretches it out... closer. closer.
Yup. three times in one weekend. My son got zapped by the electric fence.
==============================
Son is maybe five. The wind is blowing hard, the snow is about 2 feet deep. Its night time, the temperature is about 15 F. The lake in back is frozen over sort of.
"No, you can't go out sledding. It's too cold. It's dark. It's your bedtime. After supper is quiet time" Things get quiet. A little too quiet. Five minutes of quiet is a long time.
I call for son. No answer.
I hunt for son, lots of room in our house for play areas. Not in his room, not in his bath like I thought he was, not sitting with Dan. "Where is son?" I dunno.
I go into the play room.. Nothing. Garage is too cold, take a peek out there. Nope
I get a little worried. I call neighbors, Is son over there with you? No. Other neighbor, "don't you know where your son is? " Well no...
I find the walkout door slightly ajar. Snow boots and Snowsuit is missing. sled is missing....
You've got to be kidding me?
I suit up, boots and jeans and parka and dry blanket. My old bones are a bit too old for search and rescue. I trudge out into the night. Past the locked gate. Over the hill past the lake.
Yep. There is my nearly frozen fiesty son, down by the high school, sledding on the forbidden hill, the high one that lands into the parking lot.
By himself. In the dark. and so cold. "How did you get over the fence?"I asked him.
" I climbed it."
I bundle and drag him back to warmth. My husband barely looks up from his reading. "Done with bath so soon? You ready for bed?"
Constructive criticism
Originally I wrote this for my deviantART page, but I thought some of you might find it interesting, as parts of it apply to fields outside of art.
____________________________________________________________________________
I love constructive criticism. Please, if you see something in one of my drawings that you feel qualified to give advice on, do not hesitate! Pointing out problems or areas of consideration in a work is always more useful than simply giving praise. That's not to say that positive comments are wasted- almost everyone enjoys encouragement, and getting feedback is always motivating.
When giving criticism, try to be as specific as possible. Comments like "the lighting is off, and your perspective makes no sense" generally aren't useful. Point out specific angles, reflections, etc. Additionally, simply pointing out a way in which something is lacking often isn't fully useful. Most artists don't finish a work and think "this is PERFECT." Generally, they have an idea of what parts they're happy with, and what parts they aren't fully satisfied with. If you point out something that seems off to you, they probably already realized it. If possible provide links to examples where someone has done something similar in a better way or show them a tutorial for the specific part of their artwork you feel could use improvement.
I didn't write this with the intention of it being an example, but until I write a better one this will do as a sample of the type of comment I'm talking about.
http://forums.omgpop.com/art-graphics/9885-post-your-art-21.html#post445302
Note that even though I'm directly voicing my opinion that the work has some problems, I keep my tone positive. The same message written in a negative or attacking/flaming tone would be much less useful for the artist because it naturally puts most people in a defensive, counter-attacking mindset. It's much harder to digest useful criticism when its perceived as an attack.
Giving constructive criticism is also a good exercise, as it puts you in a mindset to carefully think not only about the problems in a work, but how to improve on them. In my opinion, this is critical. Even masterpieces can be improved upon, and looking for the ways in which they could be done better, and thinking about how you might try to do it differently is a very good mental practice.
If you would like constructive criticism on a work, feel free to throw me a message. IF I feel qualified to comment I'll get back to you :)
____________________________________________________________________________
I love constructive criticism. Please, if you see something in one of my drawings that you feel qualified to give advice on, do not hesitate! Pointing out problems or areas of consideration in a work is always more useful than simply giving praise. That's not to say that positive comments are wasted- almost everyone enjoys encouragement, and getting feedback is always motivating.
When giving criticism, try to be as specific as possible. Comments like "the lighting is off, and your perspective makes no sense" generally aren't useful. Point out specific angles, reflections, etc. Additionally, simply pointing out a way in which something is lacking often isn't fully useful. Most artists don't finish a work and think "this is PERFECT." Generally, they have an idea of what parts they're happy with, and what parts they aren't fully satisfied with. If you point out something that seems off to you, they probably already realized it. If possible provide links to examples where someone has done something similar in a better way or show them a tutorial for the specific part of their artwork you feel could use improvement.
I didn't write this with the intention of it being an example, but until I write a better one this will do as a sample of the type of comment I'm talking about.
http://forums.omgpop.com/art-graphics/9885-post-your-art-21.html#post445302
Note that even though I'm directly voicing my opinion that the work has some problems, I keep my tone positive. The same message written in a negative or attacking/flaming tone would be much less useful for the artist because it naturally puts most people in a defensive, counter-attacking mindset. It's much harder to digest useful criticism when its perceived as an attack.
Giving constructive criticism is also a good exercise, as it puts you in a mindset to carefully think not only about the problems in a work, but how to improve on them. In my opinion, this is critical. Even masterpieces can be improved upon, and looking for the ways in which they could be done better, and thinking about how you might try to do it differently is a very good mental practice.
If you would like constructive criticism on a work, feel free to throw me a message. IF I feel qualified to comment I'll get back to you :)
Fly visits dA and drools
for those of you who are slow, these are paintings!!!!
http://ja5on.deviantart.com/art/Untitled-110428789
http://nimra.deviantart.com/art/Eye-Study-in-Pencil-289398587
http://nimra.deviantart.com/art/Eye-Study-in-Pencil-289398587
xlll Rosie lllx: lot of work for an old man in shorts
FlyMolo.419: yeah its quite interesting to see
FlyMolo.419: the things that catch the eyes of great artists
FlyMolo.419: ive seen whole galleries of lemons
FlyMolo.419: and weird things like that
http://ja5on.deviantart.com/art/Nancy-s-Room-60892486?q=gallery%3Aja5on/21930931&%3Bqo=30
http://ja5on.deviantart.com/art/Eventide-69931355?q=gallery%3Aja5on/21930931&%3Bqo=31
http://denis-peterson.deviantart.com/art/Granello-di-Sabbia-127922312?q=gallery%3Adenis-peterson/115453&%3Bqo=8
http://ja5on.deviantart.com/art/Untitled-110428789
http://nimra.deviantart.com/art/Eye-Study-in-Pencil-289398587
http://nimra.deviantart.com/art/Eye-Study-in-Pencil-289398587
xlll Rosie lllx: lot of work for an old man in shorts
FlyMolo.419: yeah its quite interesting to see
FlyMolo.419: the things that catch the eyes of great artists
FlyMolo.419: ive seen whole galleries of lemons
FlyMolo.419: and weird things like that
http://ja5on.deviantart.com/art/Nancy-s-Room-60892486?q=gallery%3Aja5on/21930931&%3Bqo=30
http://ja5on.deviantart.com/art/Eventide-69931355?q=gallery%3Aja5on/21930931&%3Bqo=31
http://denis-peterson.deviantart.com/art/Granello-di-Sabbia-127922312?q=gallery%3Adenis-peterson/115453&%3Bqo=8
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