We Raised Mary

When Mary was 5, I fell in love with her.  She was such a feisty willful thing.  She came up to me at a pre-marriage family visit and smacked me a good one in my stomach.  I popped her a good one back, with a stern warning to not repeat that.  She gave me a speculative look and decided I meant it.  We became fast tight buddies.

She had been born the youngest into the swirling chaos of my husbands family, during the Tommy Troubles and with 4 teen and grown children going all sorts of ways.   She confided in me that she wanted to come live with us after we got married.

"You are too young,"  I said  "You have to stay with your mother till you are older. "  I folded her into my arms.


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I kept in touch with Mary.  I crafted a doll  for her,  I wrote her stories. I sent her pictures and cartoons and presents that made messes and noise. I sewed her clothes.  There was a divorce.  It wasn't a graceful one.

When she was nine, we were asked to come live with her mom and help raise her.  She was a handful and about to be transferred into an emotionally disturbed classroom if she didn't turn around her behavior. Well I wasn't having that.

We got there after a road trip where we lost our beloved dog in Ohio.  Not an auspicious beginning...Danny got a job at the Waldorf Astoria in the city, ( and when I say city, I mean NYC) and I got a job at Playtex at their company headquarters  (bomb story later)

The very first day we were there, I came down to a quiet house,  but there was a rather large girl trying to hide behind a kitchen door.  Oh for heaven's sake. she was not going to go to school?  Oh yes you are. I drug her to school more or less by her sleeve and back of the neck and promised that her fears of being humiliated at gym class was going to be fixed by me ASAP.  It turned out that she was in the special gym class and they had to do a somersault and she was too embarrassed to try it.

What 9 year old can't turn a somersault,?   I thought.  This one couldn't.  She was timid and determined not to cooperate, very stiff and emotionally defeated.   I had to negotiate with her.  She was totally panicked.  "Look, lets do this. Let's just take it in pieces and just do the first part, the preparation.  Get up on the bed... you won't fall off. I promise. No, I give you permission to tumble on  your bed... it's perfect for that.   Now put your head down and your bottom up in the air.  Tuck in your chin to your chest.


That's not so bad, huh?  Now try it again...

Flip.

I grabbed her neck and butt and flipped her over so quickly.  She squeaked a bit and came up flushed.   I had my hands behind my back, looking innocent. She thought about being furious.

"Look what you did, you somersaulted!"   Big grin.  She starts to grin then laugh.  She got up there again and I helped her over a bit.

over she went.

pretty soon she was flipping around all over the place.  on the rug.  Running to show her mom. Flipping butt up for Danny to see.  She was ecstatic.

The next day in gym class, she lines up, waits her turn and by golly over she goes.


A special place in hell for gym teachers who leave little girls to be embarrassed and suffer.

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We got news that MIL had moved a man into the house, a live in lover and that Mary wasn't adjusting very well.  We heard that he had touched her budding age 11 chest and it had upset her, but that her mother wasn't being protective of her as she should have been.  I was having none of that.  We started the process of having Mary come to live with us.  We  negotiated her visiting for the summer.  and once we got her safely with us, I simply refused to return her. I went up against them all.

Now i am going to skip her amazing teen age years, with tons of adventures, up and downs, braces and bracing ski trips and private school for our little fire cracker that she worked her way through and go right to the Bering Straits with her.

We raised her to be strong, and independent and tough. 

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Mary had a portfolio when she got out of college that was impressive enough to land her an amazing job as the Biologist Observer for the US government shipping out on a Korean Fishing Vessel in the Bering Straits off the coast of Alaska.

The only female on the ship, the only American on the ship and 30 foot waves to boot.  OMG I raised her strong but that was way over the top.   

They ferried her out to the boat using a tug then put her in a sphere crane and transferred her aboard that way.  She didn't tell me till later that season had loss of American personnel in the squalls that she braved and the ferry that went down in that very storm system.  She told tales of the hard work, being waist high in fish and examining it for dolphins and contraband fish and gesturing for them to throw the stuff back in as she looked it over.   She tried to make light of the giant freak wave that came and grabbed them all hard and she and a Korean deck mate clung to each other for dear life, literally for dear life, while the wave retreated down the back of the open deck.   She told of the doctor on board amputating a man's crushed leg without anesthesia and how the screams could be heard for a long time throughout the ship.  She talked of the processing plant down below that was ankle deep in liquid and blood and the people who worked in it gutting, filleting and freezing the fish as it came in by the cargo hold each day.

And she shared the thrill of having kiwi's like they were parsley on every plate because they were so plentiful where the vessel had stocked up its larder.  She told of the short stocky Korean man that had fallen infatuated with her and tried to present her with his gold watch.  He told her in his labored broken English, "My eyes will leak big water for you when you leave"

{[ The V - Day }]

I have sat here staring at this blank white screen for over 30 minutes
trying to figure what to write. This day..is not one of my favorites.
I wish it were so..I'm such a hopless romantic waiting..searching..
for true love.

I believe in real love but I have never really experienced it. I've had
my share of relationships but they were not what I've always wanted.
I want to feel like I'm actually loved by the other person..I want to be
happy..and not sad every day.

God..I can't do this.

Valentine's Day sucks.

I used to think Mother's Day sucked really bad because I raised other people's kids, and never really felt like a true mother, just left out,  but Valentine's Day sucks for so many people.

The television puts on this big show of solidarity with the card and chocolate companies.  They stuff it down our throats with hired actors who simulate undying passion that is not found in the real world, except rarely.

My hubby remembers Valentine's Day easily. He's sappy and sweet like that.  I'm a gruff bear.   When asked what I want for V-day I kinda grunt and make small talk with him.     Chocolates will be fine, sweetie. I lie,

I want Rose Petals and champagne and toe curling sex, you silly thing,  Don't you watch TV? I want a diamond tiara and the restaurant bought out for the night, with singing waiters.   I want to be blindfolded and led out side to a pink ribboned new car with heated seats.  Really, do spend our retirement savings for one night of fake bliss.

Naw, I like what I get.  Kisses and flowers and the box of chocolates.

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Those companies that make the valentines that you hand out in school are cruel, cruel people.  Why would you include pigs and buckteeth horses inside the box of cute puppies and kitties valentines.  How do you think the hard luck kid that gets given the odd animal feels? 

In our school, some children gave riches, Valentines with a gum stick taped on the card.  We made mailboxes with oatmeal containers cut lengthwise and flags attached with prongs.  Aw so many memories. I will run out of time.  This timed writing jogs old file cabinets in my brain.

When I ran my pre-school in my home, we did holidays up.  I passed my old fashioned child hood on. We had a valentine parade, with homemade tissue flowers on the trikes . and cupcakes and we decorated t-shirts and the hard working moms and dads skipped out of work to video tape us in all our glory as we paraded around the block, on their trikes and riding and waving to the crowd in their adult pulled wagons   Good times.

V dun dun dun Dayyyyy..

valentine's day can be bitter or it can be sweet

to me, it's just another day like any other day

it's just one more day in which i have the opportunity to tell the people in my life
just what they mean to me. 
just how much i love and care for them. 

just another day.

i dont buy into all the sappy commercial stuffs.. roses.. candy.. cards..
..makes me roll my eyes..

i guess women like that sort of thing.  and i have been down that road a ..few.. times.  because it's expected.  but i would much rather just spend time with the person i love.  telling them how awesome they are.  showing them.  that is usually greeted with more appreciation and lasts a helluva lot longer than roses.

because i am basically alone this valentine's day, i could choose to be really bitter.  i could be morose and gloomy.  i prolly would, normally.  but this valentine's day.. i'm not. 

instead, i took the time to draw a little somethin' somethin' for a few special friends.. and then i logged into OMGPOP and spent some time with my favorite people.  just like any other day.

my heart pangs.  painfully.  today.
but not because it's valentine's day..
because it's a day..

just like any other day.