Forever Young: -.- trust

Blog Manifesto

This blog is dedicated, as the title would suggest, to the qualities of being young. We are young writers. We are playful and sensitive, fluid and changing. We are unashamed with our art. We wonder at the world, puzzle over the meanings of things and twirl in delight at images and ideas that float by, grabbing at them as they pass. We are curious and constantly inquiring and prying concepts open and taking assumptions apart. We are on the ground, close to the earth. We have bare feet and wiggle our toes into nature. We carry our blankies still and wrap up cozy and comfy with each other and tell ghost stories and shiver at creepy things. We laugh and we cry and we take a lot of naps, drained from our outings and exertions.

We write as gifts to each other, tying them up in ribbon and leaving them around for each other to find, hiding and waiting for the person to wake up and read. Surprise! We weave our stories together to create a bond. One writes, then the other. then another again. We have a shared reality that we have crafted, bit by piece by patch, by string. We write simple, honest authentic things, with our unique voices. You can tell each one of us from the other, without knowing who wrote what. Our voices are clear and gentle and original. We whisper and our personalities roar! Like children, our feelings are strong, our passion for what we write shakes us. We are moved and sometimes left breathless, by our own words or the words of each other. We cannonball into each others spaces. We fall backward into each others writing, like into a pile of leaves or a soft bed. We gobble and grin and ask for more. (footnote kudos to JC)

Then we go to bed, wake up to a new day and do it all over again!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

-.- trust

xlll Rosie lllx: trust... mhm.
JCMcLovin: i dont think i will ever trust.
JCMcLovin: im not so good at trust in the first place
*****
i seem a trusting soul
i share a lot.. my feelings, my likes, my dislikes, stories.. humor.. stuff
in some ways i do trust
but thats fluff
just stuff thats on my surface.

but the first hint of something off..
i shut down..
i close the book..
i have even just up and walked away. many many times.

dig dig dig away at my well-worked topsoil
and there is bedrock

good luck breaking through

if you have had full conversations with me
you know what i do for a living
you know i have dogs
you know i like food
you know i'm diabetic
you know i run
you know i write
but that's as much as i talk about the personal ins and outs of my life.

if you read me, you know a little more.
you know about my family.
you know some of my losses.
you know i'm passionate.
you probably know i am on a personal mission of self-discovery and healing..
it's slow going.

i realize the bedrock is a lack of faith in myself.
i dont trust myself enough to let go.
maybe i just don't have the right tools.
i don't risk trusting because i have been disappointed and hurt so many times.
trusting takes energy and work and time. and i am impatient.

why the hell does everything in my life have to take work?

so i go through life half-trusting. it's easier, right?
wrong.
it sucks.
i know if i could trust i would be happier.
trusting takes courage.
trusting takes.. dusting.
do you have any idea how much i hate dusting?

2 comments:

SharonMarch 18, 2012 at 12:31 AM
I have to let you know...I was late to this project but I didn't read any of the writings before I finished mine tonight. Once again, I am struck by how closely we aligned in thought. But, I have to tell you I read the above and was shocked when I saw it was yours...I thought from the top it was Rosie's.
You are a very special soul. Thank you for expressing what I feel too.
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