{[ Day Two ]}

Today I wake as a different person from this past week of events. I have no headaches, sickness, or tears. Today I feel a little bit different. Not alot but some. I went outside at 11 pm last night just walking around in the nice spring air. Nothing else better to do. Walked around the edge of the yard, one foot in front of the other like a little kid does playing around. Head down the whole time watching my feet as I did. Constantly reminding myself over and over of something someone told me. About baby steps. Baby steps is what I'm taking. I want to be able to stand and walk proudly back. I want to feel that rush of happiness once I finally make my crawl to a walk.
And so while I was outside..stepping one foot infront of the other not nearly paying attention to were I was going staring at my feet I ran head first into one of the blazers. Cussed and held my head. Pissed off at myself that I wasn't paying attention to were I was going. Now I have a lump on the left side of my head and its sore and it freakin hurts.
But..now that I think of what I just said..just now it makes me think a little more. My damn head hurts but maybe I needed a lump. A lump that I can heal on my own. That my body will heal. Ha funny how the  human body can take so many bangs and scars and still manage to heal in time. I've got plenty of scars to know that they can heal. So damn it..I'm going to do this. And the only way I can do this is alone. Or at least I think so. I still need a friend to talk me through that damn car thing. Hope he will..
Gah I totally got off of what I was talking about a minute ago. I usually do that. I drag off into a million different directions when I start thinkin. And omg its taking me forever to get rid of 570 people on my friends list. I am not going to add people back that I don't talk to.I will only be adding back real friends. Thats what a friends list is for. Actual fkin friends. Haha yea yea. LAVA! See..that just now showed one of my real friends. One that I don't talk to much but at least I keep her in my thoughts. Why keep over 500 people that I don't think about or care for? Its a real waste of space. And damnit I'm uncluttering my life. Like Billy. SC*#W Him. His ass is getting deleted today. I don't want to keep staring at his "I miss you, I love you" crap. Oh and another thing. I just re reading myself noticed that not a single word so far is 'sad'. Wow that kinda amazes me I'm not blogging about sadddd things right now. Yay go me.Haha. Omg I need to get back to the story at hand..
Okk after I bashed my head into the back end of the blazer I needed to sit down. I didn't want to get my feet and sandles wet by walking across the already dewy grass over to the patio table chairs. So I walked around to the drivers side of the blazer and sat. Left the door open for a while as I rubbed my head. Then..I turned almost as if I forgot that my head was hurting. And put my hands on the stearing wheel. I gripped it pretty hard. Closed my eyes and tried to think of someones voice. I sat there I don't know how long trying to hear that voice. And..almost as a whisper I hear a tiny sound. Was a single word almost..it told me to "breathe.."