Fibromyalgia flare ups.

Fibromyalgia rises and falls in cycles for me, with stresses producing flare ups.  It doesn't really matter if the stresses are sad ones, or anxious ones, or happy birthday parties with cake, anything out of the daily routine exacts a price on my well being.  It just does.  My body chemistry has no back up reserves or tolerances.

Deep restful sleep, it comes in patterns, with most nights being battlegrounds.  Many days,  I have restless legs, so the minute my head hits the pillow, the tremors begin.  Twitches.   aches.  Itches and tingles.  Shivers and shakes.  It is difficult to relax as my muscles tighten at rest.   They shrink and congeal and shrivel up and I stretch and turn and rub and try to pull them out again.  There is a muscle relaxing medicine I could take, but I've been taken off it by my doctor.  I could replace it with another, but they all have the same side effects.  They fog the mind, cause lethargy and are toxic to the body.  Long term, you get addicted, they work less well and then have withdrawal symptoms.  I  never want to go through withdrawal again.  It's like being on heroin, which Ironically is a great muscle relaxant.  None of them can be used long term. And they increase fatigue which I have enough of. 

So the drugs that relax muscles also reduce their tone. When I wake up sometimes, my muscles feel like they have huge weights on them.  It's hard to lift my arms or move my legs.  I get on my bike and try to push the pedals and it won't move much.  It's like the flu, your muscles are weak and don't respond to your bidding.   Hands don't grip firmly.   Knees are slow to bend.   Arms drop down to your side.

 Fibro fog is a terrible confusing thing that happens sometimes to my mind.  I haven't had it occur in a while now and I am doing whatever I can to not trigger it again.   It's like the worse feeling of your mind not working.   It comes in flares and it is devastating to me.  I feel out of control.   It is just like real fog.  You can't find your way out of it.   I guess it must be like alzheimers.  You can't think, add number, know what numbers are, remember names, sequence steps in a task easily.  You don't remember the names for things, or how things are spelled.  Tying your shoes becomes challenging.  Writing a check out becomes difficult.  In Driving, I have to remind myself, which is the gas, which is the brake.   I depend on my son reminding me where we are going and how to get there.   Sometimes he doesn't know, so I have to search for clues.   I don't remember which street comes next or which one I just passed to find my way home.  I quietly ask him.  Is this the right street coming up.   I guess he's used to it.

I"m not.

It takes a lot of concentration for me to cook a recipe.  I no longer can plan out the sequence to sew or start a craft project.  It comes in bits and pieces, flashes.  They don't mesh together into a do able task.   I have to really want to do something to get it done, and I have to be out of flare.  I just got through about 6 weeks of flare.  yay me.

I was alert this morning.  I had  read till 3, experienced almost no leg twitches through the night and woke up when hubby smacked my butt to wake up at 8, with the invitation to go riding my trike while it was still cool.

I broke the first rule of managing FM.  I got on my trike tried out my legs and found them firm and strong.

I rode like the wind down the block and just  kept going.  I rode fast and gleeful and took to the big street.   I rode down to the dog park, greeting joggers, getting thumbs up from peeps and relishing the wind, the glorious Florida morning, the lush landscaping, the blue clear sky, it was amazing.  I rode past the community garden, round the school, past the swimming compound and made the long loop back to my house.  I rode till I was grinning from ear to ear, bit by bugs, dripping with sweat and breathing deeply, with all my pores open.  I could feel the toxins pouring out of my body, and I smelled like it too.  I drenched my clothes,  soaked up a towel, drank 3 large glasses in a row and sat down in front of a fan to glory over the experience.   woo hoo.

I will pay for this.  I felt so good.   I didn't care.  I had strong feet, strong hands and strong legs.  I was crystal clear and moving fast.  It will be worth it.  All us fibros do it when we get a painfree day.  We overdo it and can't seem to help it.  We try to make up for lost time.  We seize the day.

Dan saw me stagger back in, flush and grinning and he said with some hope in his voice.  Would you like to take a shower with me and come back to bed for an hour? 


Uh.. No thanks.     I used everything I had in one glorious ride. 

Men!  He's so cute.  I need to save up some more energy.  Grins.