Blog Manifesto

Blog Manifesto


This blog is dedicated, as the title would suggest, to the qualities of being young. We are young writers. We are playful and sensitive, fluid and changing. We are unashamed with our art. We wonder at the world, puzzle over the meanings of things and twirl in delight at images and ideas that float by, grabbing at them as they pass. We are curious and constantly inquiring and prying concepts open and taking assumptions apart. We are on the ground, close to the earth. We have bare feet and wiggle our toes into nature. We carry our blankies still and wrap up cozy and comfy with each other and tell ghost stories and shiver at creepy things. We laugh and we cry and we take a lot of naps, drained from our outings and exertions.

We write as gifts to each other, tying them up in ribbon and leaving them around for each other to find, hiding and waiting for the person to wake up and read. Surprise! We weave our stories together to create a bond. One writes, then the other. then another again. We have a shared reality that we have crafted, bit by piece by patch, by string. We write simple, honest authentic things, with our unique voices. You can tell each one of us from the other, without knowing who wrote what. Our voices are clear and gentle and original. We whisper and our personalities roar! Like children, our feelings are strong, our passion for what we write shakes us. We are moved and sometimes left breathless, by our own words or the words of each other. We cannonball into each others spaces. We fall backward into each others writing, like into a pile of leaves or a soft bed. We gobble and grin and ask for more. (footnote kudos to JC)

Then we go to bed, wake up to a new day and do it all over again!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

ugh worry

worry is exhausting.

i worry

i worry about everyone else in my life
and then.. if im not too damn exhausted.. i worry about me

i worry about my family over 600 miles away.
i worry about their health and well-being and happiness.
i worry that my dad is suffering under too much depression. 
will he continue to take his medications as prescribed? 
will he get out of his chair today?
i worry about my business.
will i always sustain this many students?  it fluctuates so much.
what if the economy gets worse?  can i sustain a hit like before?
i worry about bax.  he is getting older. and he has had bouts of pancreatitis. 
i worry about whether i am a good friend
do i lean too hard?
do i ask too much?
am i fair?
am i honest?
am i present enough?
do i give enough?
i worry that i hurt others.  sometimes unbeknownst to myself.  sometimes out of pain. sometimes out of just not wanting to recognize the ugliness within me. 

i worry that i am weak
that i will fall backward again
and what will happen if i already have?

worry is useless
USELESS
worry is a trap
and an EXCUSE
a FALLBACK .. an EASY OUT.. just in case i dont do my best.

but dammit.. i do my very best every day
i try so hard to be a good person
and i fail so hard sometimes.. but i always do my best
i have no control over what happens around me
worry.. is just another manifestation of fear.
and it rears it's ugly head all too often
when i see it i want to just beat it down.. kill it.. squash it.

IT IS A CONSTANT REMINDER THAT WE ULTIMATELY HAVE NO CONTROL

none.

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