Blog Manifesto

Blog Manifesto


This blog is dedicated, as the title would suggest, to the qualities of being young. We are young writers. We are playful and sensitive, fluid and changing. We are unashamed with our art. We wonder at the world, puzzle over the meanings of things and twirl in delight at images and ideas that float by, grabbing at them as they pass. We are curious and constantly inquiring and prying concepts open and taking assumptions apart. We are on the ground, close to the earth. We have bare feet and wiggle our toes into nature. We carry our blankies still and wrap up cozy and comfy with each other and tell ghost stories and shiver at creepy things. We laugh and we cry and we take a lot of naps, drained from our outings and exertions.

We write as gifts to each other, tying them up in ribbon and leaving them around for each other to find, hiding and waiting for the person to wake up and read. Surprise! We weave our stories together to create a bond. One writes, then the other. then another again. We have a shared reality that we have crafted, bit by piece by patch, by string. We write simple, honest authentic things, with our unique voices. You can tell each one of us from the other, without knowing who wrote what. Our voices are clear and gentle and original. We whisper and our personalities roar! Like children, our feelings are strong, our passion for what we write shakes us. We are moved and sometimes left breathless, by our own words or the words of each other. We cannonball into each others spaces. We fall backward into each others writing, like into a pile of leaves or a soft bed. We gobble and grin and ask for more. (footnote kudos to JC)

Then we go to bed, wake up to a new day and do it all over again!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Trust Recovery

I am troubled. I see my writings here and realize these represent a time when I was depressed, long depressed, for years. What I don't see represented is the way I changed or the how. I feel a need to address that. The TRUST topic brought  this up and I trust my fellow bloggers will allow this extension of theme.

The Price Is Right!  That's what I did! I watched it every day at 10 AM. On the weekends, I missed it. I longed for the 'happy' hit. Actually, I was not  happy when the contestants won their prizes.  I wasn't happy when they had the closest bid.  I wasn't happy when they were called from the audience. But, they were! They were giddy, smiling, laughing, crying, high-fiving and even dancing with joy. And I didn't know how to do that.

I could fake the smile. I could hug the relatives. I could laugh sarcastically. But the hard black hole in my chest was always there. Except, after a year or two, of watching others be happy, I started to feel something for them. Would the birthday girl contestant get the Big payoff? Would the dottering oldster win the motorcycle showcase? Could the newlywed win the Honeymoon Package, the student the $50,000 PLINKO!!!!!!!

At 10 Am every morning, I sat in front of my flickering screen-contained, therapy counselor, and watched my fellow humans exhibit behavior I didn't have anymore. For an hour daily, I watched, watched and learned, watched and began to care again.

True, I had a grief counselor for two years, I opened my heart to God in Nature, and I took long drives. I got a dog. helped others, and read a lot. I learned some new skills, met new people, tried to do whatever feathered the edge of the black hole even slightly, even for a second. That I did. And, I did that again, and again.

I am not a drinker or a drugger, never saw the value in letting go of my brain. During my recovery I didn't have a brain though.  Not one I recognized.  Not one that was me. I was not me. And, now I am! Five years later I can look around and say, I am me!  I can identify happy when it happens. I am still here. I learned.

I play Draw My Thing now. Thank you, Price Is Right.....Haven't seen the show in ages!





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2 comments:

  1. JCMarch 18, 2012 at 4:12 PM

    trust faith belief .. hope
    for a few moments, whenever i read someone else.. i walk in their shoes. reading this, i felt, in many ways.. i was walking in my own.
    this made me smile, sharon. thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SharonMarch 18, 2012 at 8:08 PM

    I'm happy you found something there! Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete

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